You Baby Gorilla.

Man, I love abusing the postal system.

At my work we buy rolls upon rolls of stamps every week. Nobody cares if you use a handful for personal mail, and they just sit in a drawer a few feet from where I sit. So I've started mailing things that really don't need to be mailed. All of the bill for my apartment are in my roomates names (along with the lease, score) so every month I have to shell out my share. Now instead of having to go to the bank and get cash to place in their grubby paws, I write them checks and mail them from work. The added bonuses being that when they hassle me about it I can get all indignant and yell "THE CHECKS IN THE MAIL! TAKE IT UP WITH THE POST OFFICE AND STOP GRATING MY SACK!" Then I like to slam a door or two for no reason. Well actually, I haven't done that yet because I just started this system, but I'm looking forward to doing it the next time the opportunity arises. The second awesome part is that I can address the envelopes with comical return addresses. My cable bill money was sent to Steve, from "Sawyer Williams: The Moon." And Zach should receive my rent check in a few days courtesy of LeatherDaddy magazine.

This might seem really juvenile and stupid to you, but that's because you're a big dumb jerk. You probably don't even take advantage of the hilarious possibilities afforded to you by the "memo" section on the front of a check. I'm really tempted to make one of my friends look like a big scumbag Klansman by filling out the memo section "white sheets, scissors, wooden crosses, gasoline." But so far I've stuck to just making the memo a variation on the same homo erotic themes. Sometimes I also like to draw little hearts down there.

I hope this has inspired the rest of you to take hold of life and live it to it's fullest.