You Baby Gorilla.

Knock knock...

The teamster captain on the show I'm currently working on is probably one of the sweetest dudes I've ever met. He's in his seventies now, but he was one of the top boxers in the country years ago before a stray punch ruined his one eye. He remains one of the most effortlessly funny people I've ever met though, due in large part to the fact that he's got an even sleazier sense of humor than I do, and he's much more apt to display it in the middle of the office, regardless of the age, gender, or sexual orientation of anyone around.

Before I started here he came into the office one day and somehow got into a story of how a girl he dated when he was younger wanted him to bring home some kind of "toy." So he stopped at the butchers shop and got a "big fuckin salami", and after having some trouble getting a condom on it ("you ever try gettin a scumbag on a fuckin salami???") he went to town on her with it, and apparently she LOVED it. I say apparently because he decided to get down on the ground and act the scene out for everyone in the office, playing the role of his ladyfriend. This is a seventy year old man, lying on his back, kicking his legs around in the air and doing his best impression of a woman getting railed with a giant salami and absolutely loving it.

He later lost her to the one and only Peter Bogdonovich, which was especially hard because "I loved that girl! I kissed her asshole! That's fuckin love!" To this day, if you say the word "Bogdonovich" within a hundred yards of him, it's over. We got the intern to start talking about how he'd worked on some Peter Bogdonovich movie, and from the back of the office, no short distance thats also obstructed by various smaller offices we hear "PETER BOGDONOVICH?? THAT SONOFABITCH STOLE MY GIRL!" There's dozens of other awesome stories, including accidentally getting industrial strength cleaner with acid in it on his dick, and announcing the fact over the radio on set, but I couldn't possibly do them all justice.

The reason I started writing all this was that after telling me how a young teamster he knows is "balling" a well known actress ("he's laying some pipe there boy, let me tell you. He gets his oil changed REGULAR") and how Jim Brown speaks much less masculinely than one might think ("not sayin he's a fag or nothin, just sayin") he was on his way to the elevator when he stopped and yelled back:

"Hey-- what part of Popeye never gets rusty?"
"I dunno, what?"
"THE PART HE PUTS IN OLIVE OIL!"

Best dude.