I feel like a bag of dicks.
I've been sick for the last four days, and between my head feeling like it weighs 30 pounds, everything tasting like medicine, and generally feeling like a 75 year old man, I've had a really hard time getting motivated to do anything. Just making it in to work Friday was enough of a chore.
That said, I'm going to keep this thing updated come hell or high water. I'm too mentally fuzzy to put anything exceptionally creative up, so this is going to be a brief list of things I'm excited about these days. As always, since I have impeccable taste in everything, you should check these things out too, because they're all pretty great, or will be. I'll try and include entertaining and helpful links wherever possible.
1. 300
This should be a pretty big no brainer. If I didn't already have a massive hard-on for pretty much anything Frank Miller does, the trailers alone would be enough to sell me on this. And pretty much everyone I know* is equally excited, so this won't be too eye-opening for anyone, unless you live underneath a rock. A rock WITHOUT an internet connection.
(*My friend Matt is actually actively opposed to this movie, and while I think he's crazy, his reasoning is actually pretty funny. "Like when I first saw the commercial I was so into the battle scenes. Then there would be like some sort of fairy floating around. And I was not into it. I think im going to smoke weed and watch Passion of the Christ instead.")
2. Mother Night/Hellhole/Staring Problem @ the Court Tavern
The court tavern is some bar on the outskirts of MY New Brunswick, which is generally limited to the areas between the park where we play football, the train station, 75/77 Louis, Easton Ave, and sometimes the Rutgers Dining hall as an outside boundary. I mention the paramaters of my NB because the first time I ever went to the Court Tavern it seemed like a far off and mystical voyage. And it's still farther than I usually stray, in the weird no-man's land between fancy-downtown and sleepy-mexican-town. As far as bars that have shows, it's pretty cool. More or less on par with downstairs Valentines, as far as a comparison for the Albany folk. But Valentines doesn't have Williams Brewed Hot Lager on tap.
More importantly, this show is going to rule. I'm not from New Jersey and it's not 1999 anymore, so I don't really care about Ensign. And I don't know who The Gaslight Anthem are, but Hellhole are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands, Mother Night always kills live, and I've been wanting to see Staring Problem for awhile. AND it's St. Patrick's day, which doesn't mean anything to me in the way of "Hoi Toi Toi, Proid of the Oyrish!", because I'm no fan of the Irish, despite being half myself. But it DOES mean something to me in the way of "you're allowed to drink in the street." So I'm sure by 2pm I'll be good and drunk, and if the weather's decent, there's nothing better than drinking outdoors and then doing something fun.
3. Farce of the Penguins
Most cinephiles and scholars of film agree that the greatest movie of the last 50 years, and possibly in movie history was a delightful dash of whimsy that sprang off the screen and into our hearts in the year of our Lord Nineteen Hundred and Ninety Eight by the name of...Dirty Work. Bob Saget, who directed Dirty Work hasn't directed a feature film until now. And by feature film, I mean 80 minutes of stock nature footage with Penguins telling dick and fart jokes. Norm makes a brief appearance during a penguin orgy with the highlight line of the movie: "Hey, a foursome, can I join in? No? Can I just urinate on the four of you then?"
4. "New" Cracked Magazine
Well, life is really just doing its best to give me lemons, wait for me to turn them into lemonade, then take away my lemonade and kick me in the crotch. This entry WAS going to be about how I randomly picked up an issue of Cracked for a train ride home, and spent the entire trip pissing off Zach and Steve by laughing uncontrollably. If you were ever 10 and not a dork, you read both Mad and Cracked. You always knew that Mad was the superior magazine, but there just weren't enough puns in a month, so you had to get Cracked too. It was always okay, but nothing amazing. This is an entirely new magazine, that was front to back hilarious. Everything from a first person piece by Socrates as he goes door to door under Meghans law* "Oh and by the way, I'm an excellent tutor. Ever hear of Plato? I taught him everything he knew, for free! Well, not exactly for free." to "New Years Resolutions vs. New Years Reality" (Resolution when offered a drink: "No thanks, I'm cutting back." Reality: "No thanks, I brought my own thermos of scotch.")
Yes, this entry WAS going to be about how great that was, and how I just became a subscriber. But when google searching for an image, I found out that after the relaunch in it's new format that just started in August, Cracked has folded. It's now entirely web based. So that pretty much ruined my day. And this blog entry. Fuck. Go to the website though, it's still really funny. But man, life is a evil, evil, bitch monster. With fangs.
*Socrates fucked boys. In case anyone somehow didn't know that.
5. Movie Trailers.
I honestly think that trailers are my favorite part of the moviegoing experience. Even if the movie I go to see ends up being awful, there's always at least one or two good trailers. And most of the time, after the trailers are over I want to see every single movie advertised. Even the movie with Stone Cold thats a blatant rip off of Series 7 and Battle Royale, but way dumber. So since I'm now in a bad mood about the whole Cracked going under thing, I'm going to end this by just linking my top 10 current trailers, in no particular order. Except #1 is #1.
1. Knocked Up
2. Aqua Teen
3. Mr. Woodcock
4. Live Free or Die Hard
5. Grindhouse
That said, I'm going to keep this thing updated come hell or high water. I'm too mentally fuzzy to put anything exceptionally creative up, so this is going to be a brief list of things I'm excited about these days. As always, since I have impeccable taste in everything, you should check these things out too, because they're all pretty great, or will be. I'll try and include entertaining and helpful links wherever possible.
1. 300This should be a pretty big no brainer. If I didn't already have a massive hard-on for pretty much anything Frank Miller does, the trailers alone would be enough to sell me on this. And pretty much everyone I know* is equally excited, so this won't be too eye-opening for anyone, unless you live underneath a rock. A rock WITHOUT an internet connection.
(*My friend Matt is actually actively opposed to this movie, and while I think he's crazy, his reasoning is actually pretty funny. "Like when I first saw the commercial I was so into the battle scenes. Then there would be like some sort of fairy floating around. And I was not into it. I think im going to smoke weed and watch Passion of the Christ instead.")
2. Mother Night/Hellhole/Staring Problem @ the Court TavernThe court tavern is some bar on the outskirts of MY New Brunswick, which is generally limited to the areas between the park where we play football, the train station, 75/77 Louis, Easton Ave, and sometimes the Rutgers Dining hall as an outside boundary. I mention the paramaters of my NB because the first time I ever went to the Court Tavern it seemed like a far off and mystical voyage. And it's still farther than I usually stray, in the weird no-man's land between fancy-downtown and sleepy-mexican-town. As far as bars that have shows, it's pretty cool. More or less on par with downstairs Valentines, as far as a comparison for the Albany folk. But Valentines doesn't have Williams Brewed Hot Lager on tap.
More importantly, this show is going to rule. I'm not from New Jersey and it's not 1999 anymore, so I don't really care about Ensign. And I don't know who The Gaslight Anthem are, but Hellhole are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands, Mother Night always kills live, and I've been wanting to see Staring Problem for awhile. AND it's St. Patrick's day, which doesn't mean anything to me in the way of "Hoi Toi Toi, Proid of the Oyrish!", because I'm no fan of the Irish, despite being half myself. But it DOES mean something to me in the way of "you're allowed to drink in the street." So I'm sure by 2pm I'll be good and drunk, and if the weather's decent, there's nothing better than drinking outdoors and then doing something fun.
3. Farce of the PenguinsMost cinephiles and scholars of film agree that the greatest movie of the last 50 years, and possibly in movie history was a delightful dash of whimsy that sprang off the screen and into our hearts in the year of our Lord Nineteen Hundred and Ninety Eight by the name of...Dirty Work. Bob Saget, who directed Dirty Work hasn't directed a feature film until now. And by feature film, I mean 80 minutes of stock nature footage with Penguins telling dick and fart jokes. Norm makes a brief appearance during a penguin orgy with the highlight line of the movie: "Hey, a foursome, can I join in? No? Can I just urinate on the four of you then?"
4. "New" Cracked MagazineWell, life is really just doing its best to give me lemons, wait for me to turn them into lemonade, then take away my lemonade and kick me in the crotch. This entry WAS going to be about how I randomly picked up an issue of Cracked for a train ride home, and spent the entire trip pissing off Zach and Steve by laughing uncontrollably. If you were ever 10 and not a dork, you read both Mad and Cracked. You always knew that Mad was the superior magazine, but there just weren't enough puns in a month, so you had to get Cracked too. It was always okay, but nothing amazing. This is an entirely new magazine, that was front to back hilarious. Everything from a first person piece by Socrates as he goes door to door under Meghans law* "Oh and by the way, I'm an excellent tutor. Ever hear of Plato? I taught him everything he knew, for free! Well, not exactly for free." to "New Years Resolutions vs. New Years Reality" (Resolution when offered a drink: "No thanks, I'm cutting back." Reality: "No thanks, I brought my own thermos of scotch.")
Yes, this entry WAS going to be about how great that was, and how I just became a subscriber. But when google searching for an image, I found out that after the relaunch in it's new format that just started in August, Cracked has folded. It's now entirely web based. So that pretty much ruined my day. And this blog entry. Fuck. Go to the website though, it's still really funny. But man, life is a evil, evil, bitch monster. With fangs.
*Socrates fucked boys. In case anyone somehow didn't know that.
5. Movie Trailers.
I honestly think that trailers are my favorite part of the moviegoing experience. Even if the movie I go to see ends up being awful, there's always at least one or two good trailers. And most of the time, after the trailers are over I want to see every single movie advertised. Even the movie with Stone Cold thats a blatant rip off of Series 7 and Battle Royale, but way dumber. So since I'm now in a bad mood about the whole Cracked going under thing, I'm going to end this by just linking my top 10 current trailers, in no particular order. Except #1 is #1.
1. Knocked Up
2. Aqua Teen
3. Mr. Woodcock
4. Live Free or Die Hard
5. Grindhouse
8. Disturbia
9. Black Sheep
10. Shooter
I'm not saying these are the best movies coming out, or that they're even the ones I'm looking forward to the most. I could probably have done a list of 25 and still left off some sweet ones. I left off things like the Simpsons Movie and Spiderman 3 because everyone's going to see those anyway. There's no closure to this entry. Ta ta. (P.S- I can't figure out how to un-underline this last part. Which is just more sand in my craw. Fuck.)
9. Black Sheep
10. Shooter
I'm not saying these are the best movies coming out, or that they're even the ones I'm looking forward to the most. I could probably have done a list of 25 and still left off some sweet ones. I left off things like the Simpsons Movie and Spiderman 3 because everyone's going to see those anyway. There's no closure to this entry. Ta ta. (P.S- I can't figure out how to un-underline this last part. Which is just more sand in my craw. Fuck.)
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