Netflix is pretty much the single greatest innovation since the merger of mops and puppets into Muppets. One of my roomates and I got Netflix a few months ago, and we've gone through a couple dozen movies by now. We have the three-at-a-time deal, so we usually try to get a decent mix of stuff. Since I've retired and have all this free time on my hands, I decided to succinctly review all the stuff we've gotten so far, so as to better justify doing jack shit, and maybe even inform you, the imaginary strangers that read this. So with out further delay, in chronological order:

Sawyer and Ryan's Netflix Selections, Reviewed! (The book, not the movie)

1. Coachella
This was Ryan's first pick, and it happened to come first. I didn't watch this, it was probably crappy though. I'm pretty sure it was about weiner music of some variety, and not one of the varieties I happen to support. We're really off and running here.

2. Dark Days
This was also Ryan's pick, but it was pretty awesome and something I wanted to see anyway. It's about people who live in the train tunnels in the city. Being a pretty big fan of all things underground and tunnel-ish, I enjoyed it, and took away the fact that while walking around in tunnels is pretty fun, living in them appears to blow. Worth the watch!

3. Nochnoi Dozor (Night Watch)
I probably spelled the Russian title wrong but they don't list it in Netflix and I'm too lazy to hack into the web to find it out again. This was my first pick (FUCKING FINALLY) and it was, of course, awesome. It's the first in a Russian trilogy about a fight between good and evil and people have powers and all sorts of other D&D shit. This stuff always comes off corny in the description, so I won't bother. Suffice to say if you like the whole action/horror/thriller type deal, this is really really well done, and does stuff most American movies in the genre don't really do, like make you pay attention. The downside to being a foreign smarty pants movie is the lack of tits. Ah, life.

4. Wu-Tang Clan, The Legend of the Wu-Tang: The Videos
This was a joint pick (GO TEAM!) and it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect. Pretty much every video they ever made. The older ones, pretty much all the ones off of 36 Chambers are pretty awesome because they're fairly shittily made and mostly consist of them walking around and yelling at the camera. Once they start making normal asshole rapper music videos they start to blow. This is a perfect example of the kind of thing I would probably never rent or buy, but got because Netflix is so awesome in that it allows me to justify watching something like this and not getting pissed off about how much it cost.

5. Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic
So gorgeous, so funny. Two of my asshole friends thought this was unfunny, and one of them thinks she's unattractive, so he's an extra big asshole. Totally worth watching, even though it made me hate Jimmy Kimmel more. He gets to get sassed by her AND ball her, probably even at the same time sometimes. That fucker.

6. DJ Shadow: In Tune and On Time
Another Ryan pick. This was probably about music that makes my brain fall out of my ears because I only like ignorant music.

7. Metallica: Cliff 'Em All
This was sweet because it's all old Metallica footage when Cliff Burton was still alive (duh.) It was not sweet because it was advertised to me to be about them partying and being the awesome metalheads they were before they turned into assclowns with toolbox haircuts who make music for 30something office dudes who like to get aggro after a night at the bar at Applebees, and there was very litlte of said partying taking place.

8. Screwed
I saw this when it first came out and thought it sucked pretty hard. I decided I had to give it a second chance, if for no other reason than the fragile hope that somehow my renting it would send a few royalty dollars Norm's way. I should be honest about my raging man-love/lust for Norm MacDonald, because I'm sure it colored my opinion of this movie. But I honestly think that it's way funnier than I gave it credit for at first. And the skewing of former president names for characters-Willard Filmore, mwah (thats the "tastes great!" sound that people make when they kiss their index finger/thumb to say somethings good. Just to clarify.)

9. DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist: Freeze
Enthralling! Mesmerizing! Mind opening! Thats how I felt about the concussion I recieved after cracking my skull into the mailbox 10 times after seeing that this thing had arrived.

10. The Jerk
Only saw part of this movie when I was little, and my life has kind of been incomplete ever since. Easily one of the 25 funniest movies ever, and hands down the greatest thing Steve Martin has ever done. This is in David Zucker territory: if you don't like this, we might be able to get along and maybe even be friends, but deep down I'll always think you're an asshole.

Ok, I don't feel like typing any more of these right now so I'll stop at 10. ENJOY! BUONO SOMETHING-O!

So about, oh, a whole lot of years too late I finally got into Fifteen. Fuck. Better late than never. For all the griping we all do about this mess of music that passes in/out of/through punk rock, the great thing is there will never be a day when I don't find out about some band I'm just finding out how much I love (them).

If you don't think David Zucker is funny, you're an asshole. That's one of the few facts of life that is pretty inarguable. He's not the end-all-be-all of comedy, and it's possible that you may not think he's funny and still like other quality stuff, but you're still an asshole. Not in the "eat food out of your fridge when you're not home and piss on the toilet seat kind" kind of way, cause we all know someone like me. But in the rod up your ass too good for anything really good, kind of way.

Goodnight.

So, it works. My caveman tendencies come sliding back every now and then and I'm never totally sure that computer type things will work out as they're supposed to. For instance, those little animated gif things people are always making-? They kind of seem like magic to me. I'm not sure why, but as I was laying in bed this morning trying to drag myself out of it by noon (unemployment is ROUGH, let me tell you) I was thinking how mindblowing it is to me on a small scale that people can do that in a matter of minutes. So, I'm still a small "C" cretin in that regard, and that's why the first entry was checking to see if it worked.

Speaking of which, SPORTS! In the last few years of my life I've become a full fledged closet jock. When I was at work I listened to ESPN radio alllll day long, PTI, around the horn, etc when I got home, wasting time on sports on the internet, and so forth. And I just started my first ever Fantasy Football league, so I'll probably yammer about that a good deal on here, AND it's almost October so that means the start of the NHL season and a hopeful resurgence for my beloved and beleauged B's (hopefully a manslaughter charge for Zdeno taking someone's head off at center ice) AND baseball playoffs (and seeing the Mets in the Series).

Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports...Marge, Bart gets to sit up front because he's a good guy at sports.

so does this fucking work or what