Photo Blog is up.

I have a ton of pictures from the last year that I've just recently gotten organized in my photobucket, and rather than take up tons of space here, I've decided to make a second blog that will just be pictures with short captions/intro's/etc.

Hindsight is 20/20, my friend.

So enjoy, and ladies, if the intense arousal from the images ever gets to be too much, drop me a line and we'll work that out. And i mean WORK it out. Yeah.

"I...had...the time of my life..."


So a bunch of my cockheaded friends boo'ed me out for putting on Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes duet "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" on the jukebox at McCormacks (Albany*). Leaving aside the point that they're clearly all a bunch of closet jobs, it really got under my skin. When I was old enough to operate the record player in my parents livingroom myself, the two things I had on constant repeat were Thriller and the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. I think there was also a Disney record that was in pretty heavy rotation where Scrooge McDuck retold A Christmas Carol, with Mickey as Bob Cratchit and so forth. But that's neither here nor there.

These mongloids were not only shitting on a childhood memory of mine, but also have absolute garbage taste in music. I mean granted, it's not the Pay to Cum single, but it's a great fucking song. And as far as schmaltzy songs to slowdance and romance a babe to, it's head and shoulders above whatever happy horsehit of a Modest Mouse song they'd pull up in a similar situation.

These last few weeks that I've been semi-unemployed, one of the steady pleasures of my days has been the fact that the WE (channel for lonely housewives and me) has been showing Dirty Dancing a few times a day to promote their new reality show based on the movie, bunch of babes vie to be the next Baby to some sultry latino's Johnny. So while I've yet to actually catch the enitre thing, it's been a little slice of heaven to catch bits and pieces of the movie every day. Obviously, the money shot of a scene is the slow shirtless dance right before the DO IT for the first time.

If there was a snapshot that best exemplifies how great/not great/great being semi-unemployed is, it would be of me in my underwear in the recliner, Dirty Dancing on the tube, and a koolaid/vodka slurpee from my own personal slurpee maker in hand.
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*There's also a McCormacks here in New Brunswick, down the street from the 77/75 Louis complex, and were it not for Albany McCormacks, it would be THE McCormacks, because it's a pretty decent bar in it's own right. But no other McCormacks can live up to Albany McCormacks, unless it includes the Fellatiator 5000, open bar 24/7, and Negative Approach circa 82 as the house band.

Do you ever feel like life is dumb?

Sometimes, I realize taht waht i do with my life is prett "UHHHHH" stupid. ANd it makes me feel good about everything else, because when it comes down to it, everuyone is an asshole, and at least my friends and i revel in it, rather than dancing aroudn it like the rest of you pieces of garbage.

Goodnight, and blow me.

Netflix Reviews Continued.

No flashy intro needed.

11. Dead Alive
I'm dumb and didn't watch this when we had it and was too impatient for the next few things in the queue so it got sent back w/o being watched. Such is life with Netflix ADD.

12. The King Of Comedy
Awesome, De Niro at his quietly yet increasinly unsettling best. If I'm never a decent stand up comic, I'll be a great Rupert Pupkin.

13. Home Movie
Made by the same guys who did American Movie (the filmmakers, not Mark Borchardt and Mike Schenk), this follows a handful of different crazy people with fucking bizarre houses. Well actually the guy who lives in the bayou isn't really crazy, just Greg Strait circa 2025. The looniest loony award is a tie between the guy with the Robot House and the Cat People. Highlight for me is when the Robot guy alludes to the fact that his wife is a hooker while she gets in a truck with some guy and goes away for awhile. He then proceeds to show off his futuristic robot who "talks" but is basically a giant RC car with a speaker and a picture of some guys face taped on. His entire "house of the future" is basically shit that the Jetsons would have poo-poohed 30 years ago. Great fucking movie.

14. Murder City Devils- The End
Their last show (pre-reunion) in it's entirety. Sound and video quality is awesome, a few surprise songs, whole set is great. Obviously if you didn't like this band you won't like this DVD, but if you liked them even a little, well worth watching.

15. Final Destination 3
Thanks to Nick I've always been fond of these movies, and this one doesn't dissapoint. The predictable "ALTERNATIVE" characters are pretty funny, and the new ways people die is creative I guess. Only complaint is poor casting for the girl with the premonitions, should have been more of a babe.

16. The Best of John Belushi
This is pretty self explanatory. Falls into the aforementioned "if you don't like this you're an asshole"/David Zucker category. "I em afred...we are out...of badjurs. Would you accept...a wolver-eene...een es place.

17. Jim Jones- A Day in the Fastlife
Pretty much the same idea as The Game DVD, "hey, let's give some guys who have no concept of editing, but will most likely do some really outlandish shit a bunch of cameras and see what happens." Highlights being when he shoplifts some crap and lots of yelling at the camera. I love this sort of crap.

18. The Game
So 50 is fed up with all of this G-U NOT talk, and he enlists Jayceon Taylors younger brother Sean Penn to set him up to take part in an elaborate life and death game that blurs the lines of reality. David Fincher directs an excellent cast with notable cameos by Da Brat as Nicholas Van Orton's love interest from the other side of the tracks, and Crunchy Black as the dastardly mind behind the whole thing. Two thumbs up.

19. Pauly Shore Is Dead
So fucking unfunny it hurts. And honestly, it pains me to say that as I'm a big Pauly Shore supporter. If he ran for any kind of office, espescially one where he had press conference privileges, I'd vote for him at least once. But this is so bad that I didn't even finish watching it. I've probably done that three times in my entire life, and that's pure speculation because I honestly can't remember another time it's happened.

20. The Office- Season 1
Count Choculitis. Possibly the best show not on HBO.

Girls Gone Wild-The Ultimate Rush!

So now girls gone wild also includes girls skydiving topless. Look, I'm an adventurous guy, so much so that I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO SPELL CHECK ADVENTUROUS, despite the sneaking suspiscion that I spelled it wrong. But topless girls+exxxtreme sports (insert "does not equal" sign) boner. I guess this is what I get for watching comedy central at 2am.

Less than a week of retirement left, I'm really going to miss it.

Things I Highly recommend on this tuesday, October the 3rd:

The Wire (On Demand)
ALDS/NLDS
The Washington Redskins
Saso's (best Japanese in Albany)
David Koechner
Uncle Tupelo
Integrity-Humanity is the Devil
Mary Louise Parker (The Mom on Weeds)
Blake Lively (girl from Accepted, an otherwise garbage movie, the other exception being...)
Jonah Hill (fat kid from Accepted and Grandma's Boy)

and of course, Black Motherfucking SS, best band in hardcore.

Netflix is pretty much the single greatest innovation since the merger of mops and puppets into Muppets. One of my roomates and I got Netflix a few months ago, and we've gone through a couple dozen movies by now. We have the three-at-a-time deal, so we usually try to get a decent mix of stuff. Since I've retired and have all this free time on my hands, I decided to succinctly review all the stuff we've gotten so far, so as to better justify doing jack shit, and maybe even inform you, the imaginary strangers that read this. So with out further delay, in chronological order:

Sawyer and Ryan's Netflix Selections, Reviewed! (The book, not the movie)

1. Coachella
This was Ryan's first pick, and it happened to come first. I didn't watch this, it was probably crappy though. I'm pretty sure it was about weiner music of some variety, and not one of the varieties I happen to support. We're really off and running here.

2. Dark Days
This was also Ryan's pick, but it was pretty awesome and something I wanted to see anyway. It's about people who live in the train tunnels in the city. Being a pretty big fan of all things underground and tunnel-ish, I enjoyed it, and took away the fact that while walking around in tunnels is pretty fun, living in them appears to blow. Worth the watch!

3. Nochnoi Dozor (Night Watch)
I probably spelled the Russian title wrong but they don't list it in Netflix and I'm too lazy to hack into the web to find it out again. This was my first pick (FUCKING FINALLY) and it was, of course, awesome. It's the first in a Russian trilogy about a fight between good and evil and people have powers and all sorts of other D&D shit. This stuff always comes off corny in the description, so I won't bother. Suffice to say if you like the whole action/horror/thriller type deal, this is really really well done, and does stuff most American movies in the genre don't really do, like make you pay attention. The downside to being a foreign smarty pants movie is the lack of tits. Ah, life.

4. Wu-Tang Clan, The Legend of the Wu-Tang: The Videos
This was a joint pick (GO TEAM!) and it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect. Pretty much every video they ever made. The older ones, pretty much all the ones off of 36 Chambers are pretty awesome because they're fairly shittily made and mostly consist of them walking around and yelling at the camera. Once they start making normal asshole rapper music videos they start to blow. This is a perfect example of the kind of thing I would probably never rent or buy, but got because Netflix is so awesome in that it allows me to justify watching something like this and not getting pissed off about how much it cost.

5. Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic
So gorgeous, so funny. Two of my asshole friends thought this was unfunny, and one of them thinks she's unattractive, so he's an extra big asshole. Totally worth watching, even though it made me hate Jimmy Kimmel more. He gets to get sassed by her AND ball her, probably even at the same time sometimes. That fucker.

6. DJ Shadow: In Tune and On Time
Another Ryan pick. This was probably about music that makes my brain fall out of my ears because I only like ignorant music.

7. Metallica: Cliff 'Em All
This was sweet because it's all old Metallica footage when Cliff Burton was still alive (duh.) It was not sweet because it was advertised to me to be about them partying and being the awesome metalheads they were before they turned into assclowns with toolbox haircuts who make music for 30something office dudes who like to get aggro after a night at the bar at Applebees, and there was very litlte of said partying taking place.

8. Screwed
I saw this when it first came out and thought it sucked pretty hard. I decided I had to give it a second chance, if for no other reason than the fragile hope that somehow my renting it would send a few royalty dollars Norm's way. I should be honest about my raging man-love/lust for Norm MacDonald, because I'm sure it colored my opinion of this movie. But I honestly think that it's way funnier than I gave it credit for at first. And the skewing of former president names for characters-Willard Filmore, mwah (thats the "tastes great!" sound that people make when they kiss their index finger/thumb to say somethings good. Just to clarify.)

9. DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist: Freeze
Enthralling! Mesmerizing! Mind opening! Thats how I felt about the concussion I recieved after cracking my skull into the mailbox 10 times after seeing that this thing had arrived.

10. The Jerk
Only saw part of this movie when I was little, and my life has kind of been incomplete ever since. Easily one of the 25 funniest movies ever, and hands down the greatest thing Steve Martin has ever done. This is in David Zucker territory: if you don't like this, we might be able to get along and maybe even be friends, but deep down I'll always think you're an asshole.

Ok, I don't feel like typing any more of these right now so I'll stop at 10. ENJOY! BUONO SOMETHING-O!

So about, oh, a whole lot of years too late I finally got into Fifteen. Fuck. Better late than never. For all the griping we all do about this mess of music that passes in/out of/through punk rock, the great thing is there will never be a day when I don't find out about some band I'm just finding out how much I love (them).

If you don't think David Zucker is funny, you're an asshole. That's one of the few facts of life that is pretty inarguable. He's not the end-all-be-all of comedy, and it's possible that you may not think he's funny and still like other quality stuff, but you're still an asshole. Not in the "eat food out of your fridge when you're not home and piss on the toilet seat kind" kind of way, cause we all know someone like me. But in the rod up your ass too good for anything really good, kind of way.

Goodnight.

So, it works. My caveman tendencies come sliding back every now and then and I'm never totally sure that computer type things will work out as they're supposed to. For instance, those little animated gif things people are always making-? They kind of seem like magic to me. I'm not sure why, but as I was laying in bed this morning trying to drag myself out of it by noon (unemployment is ROUGH, let me tell you) I was thinking how mindblowing it is to me on a small scale that people can do that in a matter of minutes. So, I'm still a small "C" cretin in that regard, and that's why the first entry was checking to see if it worked.

Speaking of which, SPORTS! In the last few years of my life I've become a full fledged closet jock. When I was at work I listened to ESPN radio alllll day long, PTI, around the horn, etc when I got home, wasting time on sports on the internet, and so forth. And I just started my first ever Fantasy Football league, so I'll probably yammer about that a good deal on here, AND it's almost October so that means the start of the NHL season and a hopeful resurgence for my beloved and beleauged B's (hopefully a manslaughter charge for Zdeno taking someone's head off at center ice) AND baseball playoffs (and seeing the Mets in the Series).

Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports Sports...Marge, Bart gets to sit up front because he's a good guy at sports.

so does this fucking work or what